I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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