So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
