is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Someone signed my nipple.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
