I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize