at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
