literally had 100 drinks last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
