I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
