you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
