haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
tell me about the eggs
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