Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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