and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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