I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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