I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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