If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
