kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
