Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize