I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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