i need an iv and a liver transplant
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
