It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
