Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
