My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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