You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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