Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
