This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
