I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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