I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
