I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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