dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
