the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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