I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
