idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm at about main and main street
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need to calm my uterus...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
