i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
