I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
