Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
