So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
