she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize