Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
