i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
