Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
