Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
