i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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