two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
