drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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