doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
