I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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