He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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