i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
