she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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