yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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