I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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