I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
