Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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