my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
