I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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