If i come over, it means nothing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
