I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
