sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
