Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
