I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
