Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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