I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
