i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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