If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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