I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
